A typical bodily fluid Thursday

When you are a kindergarten teacher there is “never a dull moment” … I really understand the meaning of this saying after teaching five and six year olds for the past 7ish months.  There are lots of laughter, tears, and body fluids.  Last Thursday there was lots of body fluids and then laughter…

Last Thursday I was feeling real good.  So good in fact that I decided to actually get ready for school that morning!  We had an open house that night for new incoming students so I decided I would make it a “look good feel good” Thursday!  I actually did my hair which for me only meant that I washed it and put hairspray in it to hold the curls (but hey for me this is a big deal).  I put my makeup on “the fancy way”– for me this means I put eyeliner on the top of my eyelid instead of the bottom– this really is an art people that I have never been able to master, which is why it is reserved for special occasions/when I am feeling good.  AND I wore my cutie black booties that have a little over an inch of a heel (again big deal because I wear my black converse from middle school 70% of my life).  I even threw on a v neck black sweater over my school polo shirt that we were required to wear.  I left for work feeeelin good and ready to start my day.

The day started as normal kids came in found their seat started working on the work while I checked their homework (yes these kinders have homework every night– more on this at a later time).  Leonardo came up to me and said his stomach hurt.  Quick background on Leonardo– this child is happy, highly entertaining, smart, funny, loves to be the center of attention, talks like he’s an adult, and wants my full attention 100% of the time– he also puked on a kid in front of the whole school at an assemble several months back.  Now since I hear the tummy ache story daily I told learned he should try to go to bathroom and get some water and see how he felt.  Leonardo did so, but I could tell he really was not feeling good and he was not being himself.  The haunting thought of him throwing up on Ricardo came creeping into my mind and I decided to send him to the office.

About 10 minutes later Leonardo comes back in the room with a note from the office that something like “no fever, should be fine”.  It school policy to send the child back to class if he or she does not have a fever.  So Leonardo comes back and joins the class on the carpet where we were doing our daily math meeting– talking about the days of the week, counting to 100 etc.  There was about 5 minutes left of math meeting and then my class would go to chess and I would have my first planning period of the day– when I look over at Leonardo and he has his head down.  Again, I know he is not well and make a mental note that I will talk to him and/or take him to the office after I drop my kids off at chess.  We are talking about dimes and pennies when I look back to check on Leonardo again and I see his hand in front of his mouth and see him gag.  I say “Leonardo!”  and BLAAHHHHAAATT (insert your personal puke noise association here)  Leonardo projectiles PINK vomit on to him, the carpet in front of him, and me (who was at least 3-5 away).  The class  screams and moves away, I do not have time to be upset about the puke on my cute outfit or in my hair so I try to block the children from the puke, get Leonardo from the trashcan, console him, and try to hush the “EWW!” and “Gross!” puke comments from the other students.

SIDE NOTE- Those who know me very well should be extremely proud that I did not gag or even get nauseous!  This is super impressive for me because I have always had real bad gag reflexes and tend to vomit on a dime.  For real though.. freshman year of college I pulled a rotten banana out of my backpack and just instantly vomited.  Needless to say, I’ve come a long way.

After I get my class to chess, call the office for cleanup help, and cleanup Leonardo, it is now time to clean myself off.  Well at this point I have 2 options  1.) wear puke clothes  2.) wear a student uniform  I choose the latter to prevent another puke incident from my stench.  So now I am wearing RFMA youth sweatpants, which are like those unattractive track pant style with red RFMA vertical writing up the legs, with a red long-sleeve RFMA polo, anddddd my adorable black booties.  Don’t worry I tucked the track pants into my booties which made me made me an even more trendy student.  So I go throughout my day being heckled by other teachers who mistake me for a student… but hey I thought my day could only go up from here!

At the end of the day we do math, usually we do math together on the carpet in a circle.  As soon as I sat down in the circle I smelt a very strong odor.  It was not puke, no this time it was the other p word PEE.  I started trying to smell the kids to my left and right and really couldn’t tell a difference.  Then I got up to go get some pattern blocks  and then I saw it.  The pee spot that I had been sitting directly in!  Yes the smell was coming from right underneath me, I was sitting in a pile of damp pee!  At this point I was just kinda pissed (pun intended).  The pee grossed me out way more than puke.

Next problem- Who da hell peed their pants and didn’t tell me?!  And there going to be going home with pee pants!  Only attempt improv solution I can think of .. I say to the class “Okay guys listen if you have an accident you have to tell me.  It’s okay accidents happen to everyone.  But I just NEED you to tell me!  I promise I won’t laugh or tell anyone.  Just PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME!”  Students respond with a little laughter and “yeah yeah okay Ms. GH we will.”  Needless to say no one came forward.  My one last attempt line them up to go home and go down the line and check out their pants and smell them.  So here I am going down the line trying not to look obvious police dogging it, kneeling down smelling each child.  Eventually one student looks at me like I am crazy and asks what I am doing, I reply with “nothing!” and keep smelling.  But I find NOTHING.  So not only did I sit in pee but I also sent some poor kid home with pee pants (poor parents).

Just another Thursday!

Oh and the next day I had another kid vomit during center time, luckily it only got on the floor!

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